


Somewhere Only We Know [levi x reader]

by l3viscravat



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Caring Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Enemies, Gender-Neutral Hange Zoë, Hange Zoë Being Hange Zoë, Nonbinary Hange Zoë, Overprotective Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Possessive Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Protective Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Reader-Insert, Romance, Slow Burn, Soft Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Top Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Yandere Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), shingeki no kyojin reader insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:09:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28668267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/l3viscravat/pseuds/l3viscravat
Summary: Having to leave your dear friends Hange and Levi when you receive an unexpected letter from your parents, it’s an emergency and you’re needed at home. Things led to another and you find yourself in a dark unsafe place, the place you once called home can no longer be called a humble, safe abode for you. (trigger warning, heavy descriptions of violence and mentions of sexual assault etc.)The light at the end of the tunnel eventually approaches and you gain a new sense of determination to protect your little sister no matter what cost. After five years, she desires to join the survey corps to venture beyond the wall. With fate on your side, you get to meet Levi again. But it’s been five years. A lot has changed between the both of you. What will he think of when you finally decide to join the survey corps again to protect your sister? Can sworn enemies go back to what they once was, when they were both happy and blossoming in love?“F/n, I’m talking to you.” He says roughly. This time, he’s whispering to you. He leans to your ear to say these five words, like it’s an obvious statement. His hot breath still at your ear, you can’t help but close your eyes.
Relationships: Hange Zoë & Reader, Hange Zoë/Reader, Hange Zoë/You, Levi & Hange Zoë, Levi & Reader, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/You, Levi/Erwin Smith/Hange Zoë/Reader, Levi/Hange Zoë/You, Levi/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Prologue is few years after Levi’s ova!  
> (Also, I use they/them for hange cause there’s no official gender confirmation for them)

Three loud knocks on the door,

  
“Message for F/n L/n!” A ruffled voice comes from the other side, probably a soldier. Hange looks at you, eyebrows raised.

“Ah yes come in.” You say and the soldier opens the door to head in.

“Sorry for the inconvenience, a message from Albert L/n and Maya L/n.. Something has occurred and it doesn’t state in the letter, you are needed at once. At home of course.”  
The soldier salutes you and you put your fist to your chest, “noted, thank you.” You simply state before the soldier nods and walks out.  
  
“Haigh?! You’re going home? Again? Didn’t you take your leave a few days ago?” Hange says confused, adjusting their glasses. They shoot you a quizzical look before u give in, sighing completely, defeated.  
There’s no way beating hange and that big scientist brain of theirs.

“Oi! What’s going on?” Hange says, starting to get worried. That’s the last thing you’d want on their constant joyful face, worry. So u sit down and pat the seat in front of you, indicating to them to sit down. They oblige and you sigh again, this time getting straight to the chase.

“I haven’t been going home for the past few weeks, months actually. I’d usually just stay at my neighbour’s house, Felicia.” You say looking at the ground. Hange’s facial expression changes and you feel a pang of regret in your chest. _Should I continue talking? Or is that gonna make things worse? I don’t want Hange worrying for me, it’s the last thing I want. But if I keep this to myself and ignore their questions, isn’t that.. not trusting them? After everything they’ve done for me? No. I’m gonna tell them, I trust Hange, I always have._

After a few moments of silence, Hange is the first to break it.

“Look, F/n, you’ve always avoided questions about your family.. and I never budge further, if it’s personal, it’s personal. But if something is bothering you, I’m always here. I’ll always listen.” Hange places a hand on your right hand, which you haven’t noticed your hands were gripping your thighs, due to frustration or just nerves.

Immediately, your right hand relaxes from their touch. You finally have the courage to look into their eyes, the familiar sweet bubbly brown ones that you’ve enjoyed being accompanied of since day one. “No..” you mutter and Hange’s face drops immediately but they notice and picks it up quickly. They smile sweetly and nod.

“No. I trust you, I wanna tell you.” You say looking at them, this time, determined and ready to finally trust someone fully. “Ah! Really??” They say, getting excited and before you notice they’re up and wiggling in their seat. “This means a lot F/n! Thank you!” They grin widely, shining their set of teeth.  
  
You’ve always admired Hange’s optimistic behaviour and personality, although some people may find it annoying (well, most people) you find it.. admirable and sweet. You need more positivity in your life anyway, as a dedicated pessimist, you’re definitely grateful for Hange being your best friend since the very start.

“Okay.. so as I was saying, I never visited my family’s house in a few months. I stopped when my mother refused to tell me anything about my actual father. Albert is my stepfather, and I only found out about that a few months back. My mother went on and on about how she’s moved on from him and wants to restart our family with Albert. I haven’t visited since and I feel bad. Cause my little sister, Farah, has been sending me letters, begging me to visit her and I’ve always given her some stupid unlogical reason as to why I can’t visit..” you sigh, holding back the painful lump in your throat.

Thoughts of Farah fill your head. The caring kind girl you’ve always known is probably 9 or 10 years old this year. You can feel the tears reaching your eyes. And you refuse to cry.

_“Crying is for the weak F/n, how many times have I told you this? You don’t cry. You stand up and fight back. But looking at you now, you’re still as weak as ever.”_

Albert’s words ring in your head and you shake it off, trying to block them out.

“Oh… I understand. So why do you think they’re calling you back? To talk it out? If you aren’t ready, you can still refuse! Don’t worry, you’re an adult. You can visit them whenever you please.” Hange says, putting a hand on your lumped shoulder and pats it, in order to give some comfort.

“I have to go, Hange. It’s Farah, I can’t leave her there. At least not with him.. She means a lot to me and.. and I just miss her. So much.” You don’t even realise you referred to Albert in a negative way and you don’t bother to dwell into it any further.  
“Alright. You’ll see them today, and it’ll all go well okay? I’m here if things doesn’t turn out the way it’s supposed to. But by the looks of it, I’m pretty sure everything will go smoothly” they say, giving a warm smile, to encourage you to believe their cheery words.

All you can do is nod cause if you say another word, you might not be able to control the tears. Hange’s face changes but you’re not able to see it, since you lay your head low and focus on the wooden tiles on the floor. Their face changes into a soft expression like sympathy or pity of some sort. You sought solace and Hange was there to give it to you. Hange drags their chair close, to sit next to yours. They place it beside you and turn their body, so it faces yours, later pulling you into a warm embrace. They wrap their arms around you and you don’t know what to do so you just lean your head to their neck and close your eyes.

“Thank you, Hange.” You whisper and they smile back at your words.  
“No. Thank you, F/n” Hange replies, resting their hands on your back.

  
...

After a few hours, you get your things to visit your family’s house. A part of you fumes with guilt and embarrassment for leaving them but just a little bit of you has a feeling that everything will go well. After Hange’s therapy session of course. After all, you’ve missed your sister so much, you can’t wait to see her after so long.

Taking just barely anything except for a few essentials in a pouch bag, you close the dorm room. You rest your hand on the dirt knob, hesitating when a sudden gut feeling reaches you. _“If you aren’t ready, you can still refuse! Don’t worry, you’re an adult. You can visit them whenever you please.”_ You think of Hange’s words for a while when a deep raspy voice addressing you interrupts your train of thought. A deep voice you’re so familiar with.

“Oi! Shitface!” He says. You frown at his choice of words, then roll your eyes.

He waves his hand to catch your attention from afar and then walks towards you. You watch him closely as he approaches you, his white button up shirt, that stupid cravat he’s always wearing and his usual cadet coat. “Levi.” You say his name as a greeting or as in a “hello” and let go of the door knob to face him, looking at his face, memorising his complex facial features for no specific reason.

His cold grey eyes looks at you too, then wanders to the small pouch your carrying. He lifts his eyebrow and you know the question you’ve been dreading is coming.“Going somewhere? Right now?” He asks nonchalantly and you sigh shortly as he curiously watches you. “Yup, an emergency apparently. I have to see my family.” You say making it short and sweet.

You aren’t ready to tell Levi this. And you know it, even if you’ve been there for him when he lost his only two friends and when his days were absolute hell, this information just stays between you and Hange.  
You don’t know why you don’t wanna tell Levi but part of you feels like he’d look down on you, for simply ignoring your family like that. And you don’t want that, knowing you have a sense of admiration for him too. You’ve been close friends after all, ever since he joined, you were literally the first to approach him and his friends since no one else dared to talk to them. Some called them “underground rats” and such. You always hated it whenever someone talked badly about them. Feeling a slight bitter taste in your tongue whenever people called them that.

“Oi F/n? Quit dreaming already, Answer my question.” Levi bluntly says and takes his index finger to simply push your forehead back. You flinch and come back to reality from ur wandering thoughts.

“Ah right. What did you say again?” You ask, not catching his question and he sighs. You try not to smile at his annoyance.

“You never pay attention, do you?” He asks, clearly annoyed from your daydream and you smile and nod. “You really do know me well” you say and nudge him playfully. Something comes up in his eyes and you can’t quite grasp what cause he quickly turns his head away and tsks.

“I asked how long you’ll be gone.” He resumes, still looking away from you.“Oh hmmm” you hum and scratch your head. You think, and that’s when you realise you still never knew what your parents called you for. _It won’t be that bad, they probably just want to ask about my absence. Probably two days? No, I have to find a situation for Farah.. so four?_ You could probably be wrong but you tell him anyway.   
“Probably like four days max, I’ll be back in no time though. Why? Scared you’ll miss me?” You smirk and he rolls his eyes.   
“Of course I will.” He states and you stand there in awe, taken aback by what he just said. There isn’t a hint of sarcasm in his tone. He’s actually being serious about this. _He’s gonna miss me?_ You feel your cheeks get warm.

_Fuck._

“Gone for four whole days? Who the hell am I supposed to be around? Hange? They smell. Like, seriously when was the last time they took a shower?” Levi says and you chuckle.

He suddenly averts his gaze back to your eyes, and you look right back into his. You feel your heartbeat starting to rise by the sudden silence and the way his eyes keep at yours in an intent glare. You study his face, his mouth, those delicate lips of his, his cute nose, the dark circles under his eyes that slowly are fading. You feel relieved, seeing his eyebags slowly starting to disappear. You feel your cheeks heat up again at the thought of why he’s been getting more sleep. _No, I’m not gonna think about that now._ You shake it off and finally move to his eyes. It’s like he’s trying to say something with them, something he can’t put words into. Something like

_“Yes, I’ll miss you. Now stop looking at me like that.”_

and now it’s your turn to say it back to him, so you look into them, his steel dark grey emotionless eyes one would say, but if you look long enough into them, there’s definitely emotion, a lot of it actually.

_“I’ll miss you too, so much I actually don’t think I wanna leave. Also, Hange showers, stop being so mean”_

He raises one of his eyebrows and the corners of his lips twitches up. You lick your lips and his intense staring contest match with yours breaks as he looks at your lips instead. Your cheeks flush again and you try to distract yourself by looking around for a clock to see what time it is.  
“Do you have to leave now?” He asks and you hear the genuine plead in his voice. It makes something in your stomach flutter like butterflies or maybe it’s like fireworks and colourful explosions.

You assume you’re late like always so you nod. Levi’s expression changes and so does yours. You don’t know what to say so you just stand there with him, in comfortable silence, in each other’s presence. Levi realises and doesn’t do anything too, it’s like standing there with you in silence will probably buy him more time with you, and so he does that.

You have to leave eventually, so you drop your hunches, thoughts and all your instincts telling you not to do this and walk up to him to pull him into an embrace. The same type you did with him when you found out about Isabel and Farlan. You grabbed the back of his head and pulled him to your left shoulder. He doesn’t resist or hesitate and wraps his arms around your waist. You run circles with your thumb on his hair, to comfort him.

  
“You better come back quick, idiot” he whispers close to your ear and you nod.

  
“I will. Wait for me, alright?” You whisper back and he shudders from the sudden touch of your smooth lips against his ears.

As hard as it is, you let go of Levi and proceed to go to get your horse. You think about looking back at Levi one last time before leaving but you don’t. Reaching your horse, you mount him and get ready to go back to home. Your horse follows and you set off.

You didn’t know that would be the last time you’d see Hange and Levi for the next five years. But it’s like they knew, for some reason it’s like they knew.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I came across a fallen tree.  
>  I felt the branches of it looking at me.  
> Is this the place we used to love?  
> Is this the place that I've been dreaming of? _
> 
> _And if you have a minute, why don't we go,  
>  Talk about it somewhere only we know?  
> This could be the end of everything,  
> So why don't we go somewhere only we know? ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was basically inspired by a song, its literally the name of this work lol, Somewhere Only We Know by Keane :) I recommend you listen to it before reading! The lyrics mean a lot to me and I’m sure you’d slowly connect so and so while reading.Thanks for the kudos and more on the prologue btw! I have a good feeling about this story and I’d love to see where it’ll go <33 now on with the chapter :D

“F/n? What are you doing here? At this hour?” He says, approaching you, stepping on the crunchy leaves on the ground. Your back against a big tall tree, far away from the dorms of the survey corps. The familiar cooling breath of nature hits your nose and you look up from the pink dainty flower you hold in your hand. 

“Levi?” You say as you examine him. He’s wearing a white button up shirt with his sleeves pulled all the way to his elbows, showcasing his strong but precious arms. His collar is loose and he’s no longer wearing that cravat he’s so proud of. His hair is messy, it’s like he was rolling around in bed trying to get some sleep but unfortunately he couldn’t, especially at this hour. His dark circles under his eyes are so visible you could definitely tell he’s a dedicated insomniac, just like you. 

“Why are you here? It’s so late, everyone is-” he interrupts you. 

“I couldn’t sleep. So I just wanted some fresh air. What are YOU doing here?” He asks you this time, still standing in front of you and shooting you a perplexed look. For someone who’s so damn good at killing titans, he sure can be seriously dim witted with that brain of his. 

“What does it look like?” You mutter silently hoping he heard but he gives another curious look and you sigh. “I can’t sleep of course! Why else would I sit under a big old stupid tree? I’m trying to find something to do, sitting in my useless dorm room and staring at the ceiling has gotten quite boring if you ask me.” You humour him this time. He cracks a little and something shines in his eyes. “Huh.” He says. The type of “huh” someone says when they find something amusing, something they didn’t expect but aren’t dissatisfied by it at all.

He sits on the other side of the tree, your backs facing each other but between them is the big strong tree trunk. “I never knew you couldn’t sleep properly. You don’t look like the type of person who wouldn’t sleep well.” 

You tsk, “What makes you think that?” You say, slightly annoyed by his judgement of you. Though, you agree slightly and ashamedly. You always covered your eye bags with the magic of makeup just to avoid questions from other people. 

“It’s not a bad thing, idiot. We now have something in common. Huh, would ya look at that?” He says, rustling his hands through the leaves on the ground. The wind blows and you can feel the air get a little colder. You look at his hand now, on the leaves and scooch slightly closer to him. So you can at least see his face if you look to your right. 

He notices but he doesn’t budge to look at you. You hum, “Who would’ve thought I’d have something in common with the stubborn cravat guy” you mock him and he tsks loudly and looks away. “Don’t tell me you’re becoming like them.” He says and you regret what you said instantly. He refers to “Them” as in the rude soldiers that have done nothing except talk shit about him ever since he joined. 

“I would never, wouldn’t wanna get my ass beat by you now would I?” You say as you look at him in hopes to lighten the mood. It works, as he smirks a tiny little, you’re stunned. “Wait a minute” you say and move to get close to him, trying to get a good look at this new expression you’ve never seen from him. This time, you’re next to him, looking at his face. He changes his expression to his same old, and averts his gaze from you. Your face falls. “Sheesh” you mutter disappointedly, to no one in particularly except the back of his head. 

You find yourself staring at it for some weird reason, admiring the way his hair falls from the top of his head. And his undercut, of course. The black raven hair you’ve seen everyday in survey corps, the black raven hair that falls and blows lightly when he’s flying tree to tree on his ODM gear. The black raven hair you so desperately dream of combing through and running your fingers through. You move closer, not noticing your sudden urge to try and touch it. 

A question comes to your head and you decide to ask him. “Oi, Levi, why do you like to-” you stop your sentence when he turns unexpectedly to you. His eyes go wide because of the sudden erasure of space between the both of you. Your eyes go wide too. Barely inches from his face, you can feel his hot breath increase and your breathing slightly goes irregular. Time stops, the both of you face each other, looking into each other’s eyes as the cold wind blows towards you both. You feel something cold come up to your spine, goosebumps. 

_ Fucking goosebumps. _

You admire his pair of grey eyes, now full of so many emotions you can’t seem to grasp what he’s feeling as of right now, in this moment. Your hair blows slowly as the gust of wind still remains drifting towards the both of you. And as the cicadas chirp, you try to communicate with your eyes instead. You read his eyes closely,

_ “Hey, idiot, why did you come so close to me?” _

You blink. You weren’t expecting those words, so your face changes into something like a frown. 

_ “Okay then, I’ll move back”  _

He raises his eyebrows.  _ “No, wait. Stay, I don’t mind.”  _

Before you try to reply, he reaches his hand and places his index and middle finger on your exposed shoulder, running his two cold fingers on your bare skin. You feel more goosebumps rise as he places his hand in yours, now playing with your fingers. You don’t hesitate and intertwine yours with his. He keeps his eye contact with you and you shudder at his gaze. You try to read his eyes and the one thing that’s on his mind is the same as yours. It’s as simple as just one word. Which is lust. Pure lust. You feel your cheeks immediately heat up more than the last time. You look away, too embarrassed to face him and his alluring pair of eyes. 

_ Goddamnit, f/n, you probably look like a fucking tomato right now. _

“So cold..” you mutter without knowing it and he hears.

His eyes fall to your attire, a simple nightgown you own with soft pink laces in the front. You straighten your posture as you’re sitting on your heels, you feel the front of your knees ache a little because of the pressure you’ve been putting into them against the grass. Your thoughts scramble and you remember you aren’t wearing a bra.  _ Shit.  _

As his gaze falls from your shoulder, to the joined hands of yours with his, he hums at the sight your hands intertwined with his. As he moves his eyes from your thighs to  your hips and as he almost goes to your breasts you quickly cover his mouth and push him back. You let out a tiny shriek and he grunts, muffled against your hand as you both fall to the ground. 

“Oh. Uh I-“ you stutter as you look at him now, one of your hands still over his mouth and the other pressed against the grass beside his head. You’re on top of him and he’s still flinching from the sudden attack of yours. He raises one of his eyebrows and grabs your wrist from his mouth, pulling it apart to lick his dry lips. You stare at them, his lips and the way it’s now glistening with his saliva. He drags your wrist to him, and now you’re facing his eyes again. Something dances around his dark orbs and you feel something twirl in your lower abdomen.

“And, what did you do that for?” He says darkly, slowly playing with his words. You swallow, feeling swarms of sudden nerves attack you at once. His playful eyes are still on you, as he tries his hardest not to smirk at your flustered self. 

“F/n, I’m talking to you.” He says roughly. This time, he’s whispering to you. He leans to your ear to say these five words, like it’s an obvious statement. His hot breath still at your ear, you can’t help but close your eyes. 

...  
  


“Wait!” You shriek and open your eyes to find yourself sitting upwards from your bed. You look around you, beside you and release your tight clutches to your bed sheets. You relax your muscles and sigh loudly. “Wait..” you mutter to yourself. It’s been so long since you’ve had a dream about anything other than The incident. And what rattles your mind is that you dreamt about him. About Levi. The man you wished you didn’t leave to himself on that day. You sigh again, a long, slow one this time. That day. The day I left… it’s been what? Four? Five years? Almost five years since I last saw his face. Shaking your head, you run your fingers through your hair, trying to put it back into place. 

_ The dream I had.. Why did I have to dream about that? When I first saw him, at that tree… the first time we saw each other there, then later leading to many visits late at night with him. Why did I have to dream about that night? Out of all the other ones with him there, why was it the first night we spent with each other?  _

“Damn it” you say, scratching your head. “It’s too late thinking about him.” You say to yourself, shaking and dropping all thoughts of Levi in that mind of yours. You get up, and walk towards your closet to change your clothes, no matter what time it is. Taking a white laced top, with puffy sleeves and a long dark purple skirt, you undress from your night gown and get ready to wear the clothes you’ve picked out. 

After brushing your teeth and your face, you braid your long black hair, slowly and patiently playing with the strands of hair, you tie the end and let it fall loosely on your left shoulder. You leave some strands of hair on the front of your face and look at yourself in the mirror. “There.” You whisper at your reflection, studying your face when images of your mother come to your mind. Her beautiful long black hair she always had braided, and that red dress she always wore. You shake it away.  _ Mother is gone. She chose to leave. There’s no meaning in dwelling about her now.  _ You think to yourself and turn to walk out from your room. 

Looking at the grandfather clock near the dining table, you read it. It’s six in the morning. Staring at the clock, you remember it’s a Sunday, meaning it’s Market Day. You go to the kitchen and open one of the cabinets to get some tea leaves out. You also grab some coffee beans from the pouch that your now dear friend and neighbour, Felicia gifted to you. Before starting with the coffee, you grab the kettle, fill it with water and place it on the stove with the fire burning. While waiting for the kettle to rise, you walk to Farah’s room to check on her. You slowly open the door to find the teenage girl in a weird sleeping position, where she’s sleeping on her chest, one of her delicate legs and her left arm drags off the bed and her ass hangs out. She snores loudly, and you snicker at the sight before closing the door. You think about her face when you tell her all about this later and you find yourself laughing at the thought. 

The steam slowly comes from the kettle and you take it away from the stove before it sings, you need the water just hot enough. With your focus back to the coffee beans, you grab some and crush it in the wooden mortar you have, you secretly grab one from the pouch and crunch it in your mouth, simply tasting the bitterness of the dark roasted bean. The aromatic smell of the coffee drifts in the air and you inhale it and close your eyes, enjoying the lovely aroma. You place the crushed coffee beans, now basically modified into coffee grains into a ceramic cup and pour the hot water into it. While you wait for the water to gain its flavour from the beans, you start to prepare the tea for Farah. 

You take a few leaves and place it in a cup, also pouring hot water in that one too.  
“Good morning, f/n” you hear the grumpy girl awake from her sleep, and is now in the kitchen. “Farah, morning” you smile gently at her and she yawns loudly. “Geez, what time is it? Why are you awake so early?” She shoots you a puzzled look. You roll your eyes playfully and turn to face her. “Farah, it’s quarter past six.. and it’s market day today, didn’t you say you wanted to come with me?”  
She drops her _“i'm so tired, I cant move a muscle”_ act and shoots her posture up immediately, “Market day?! Sunday?! Today??” She jumps up and down, excitement overflowing through her. 

“For someone who’s younger than me, you seem to forget way more than me. Hmph, you’re basically the grandma here” you humour her and roll your eyes and she stops squealing. “Says you! You’re almost what? 30 this year! People already mistake you as my mother!” She rants and you raise your eyebrows at her. “Listen here little girl, I’m 27 this year. Ah! people already mistake me as your mother? Oh, what a compliment! My motherly skills really do show don’t they!” You compliment yourself dramatically and smirk while placing your chin in between your index finger and your thumb. She rolls her eyes and sighs, “ugh give me a break” She takes a seat at the table and rests her face to her arms on the table. 

Taking her cup full of tea from the kitchen counter, you place it in front of her face. Her eyes shoot up, looking at the cup in front of her. Her hand reaches in to take it before you slap it lightly. “Ita!” She pulls her hand to her and gently examines it. You tsk, “drama queen” you mutter to yourself, loud enough just for her to hear it. She frowns and asks,“Why can’t I drink it? Did you piss in it?”   
Your eyes go wide and you choke a laugh.  “It’s not funny! Did you really do that??” You can't stop laughing now, so you pat her head softly and breathe properly when you’re done with your laughter fit. “You’re so creative, of course I didn't piss in your cup of tea!” You hit her head gently, “I was gonna ask you if you’ve brushed your teeth” 

“Hmph, obviously I did! I’m not stinky like you!” She says and pokes her tongue out. 

“I will cut your tongue off” you joke and roll your eyes as you walk to the kitchen counter to deal with your cup of coffee. She immediately sticks her tongue back in, and frowns. You take a white cloth and place it over a white ceramic mug, pouring the aromatic liquid on top of the cloth, you watch as the coffee grains pile on the top as the rest of the liquid drains in the cup. Squeezing the rest of the liquid from the grains, you tie the white cloth and keep it aside for fertiliser purposes, you could probably use it for the garden you have in your backyard. 

Taking your dark black coffee, you bring it to the table and sit down in front of Farah, who’s enjoying the tea you made for her. “Is it good?” You ask as she puts the cup down and wipes her lips. “Mmhm” she nods, and you’re glad. You take a sip of your coffee, ignoring the extremely bitter taste and enjoying the aftertaste of the it. “Do you seriously drink it like that? It’s so bitter.” Farah asks, you didn’t notice she was looking at you in awe as well as disgust as you took a sip of your beverage. “It tastes good to me, it’s just grown up things, Farah.” you tease her and take your cup to drink the coffee again. She immediately argues. “Oi! I’m fifteen this year! I’m practically an adult, which reminds me.. you have to stop calling me little girl already!” Farah bargains and you roll your eyes playfully. 

Deep down in you, you feel your heart swell at her words, knowing she’s right. She’s no longer a little girl, she’s all grown up already. You internally sigh, thinking of little Farah, her little pigtails and the way she’d get so excited when she’d see you. Pulling your cup back to the table, you look at Farah now. Her black hair in a messy ponytail, as many strands poke out, her tiny ears and her tiny nose. Those big brown eyes, you’ve always adored and cared for. It’s like what she said, she’s no longer a little girl. Her feminine features are showing no matter how much she tries to cover them up, they’re there. 

You sigh, “Hai! Hai! Alright, I’ll stop calling you a little girl” you lean against your chair and bring your hands to the back of your neck, resting your head against the palm of your hands. Your elbows shoot up in the air, as you lean against your wrists, you close your eyes. Opening one sly eye, you look at her,

“Only if you stop calling me grandma”

“No” she bluntly states.

You tsk. “Brat” you mutter. 

…

As you both finish your drinks, Farah eagerly takes both of your cups to place it in the kitchen sink. You’re moved by her sudden gesture, so you think. Since it’s Farah, she’s probably following this up with a question, or a request. So you wait. You rest your cheek on the palm of your hand, as Farah sits down and grins. You raise your eyebrow suspiciously. “Okay, so I’ve been meaning to ask you something… Just please don’t get mad! Please listen to what I have to say.. i've thought about this for the longest!” Farah pleads and you nod, hiding the same eagerness you have with her to know what could she possibly ever want from you. “Go on”

She grins widely and starts, “alright, I’ve been thinking.. ever since, you came home five years ago.. and saw what father had done to us…” you drop your hand and your jaw clenches. Farah swallows at the sudden change of atmosphere after mentioning what happened. “Please f/n. Just listen.” she begs and your expression softens, “Sorry, go on” you wave your hand slightly, now not even hiding your eagerness anymore. 

“What father did was wrong.. locking me up and using mother.. for his advantage… I can’t imagine how you must’ve felt, coming home from an ordinary day and seeing us like this… mother barely able to walk nor stand, me tied up and helpless…” Your blood boils, your mind races as thousands of thoughts flow through your head. The image of your mother tied up, blood covering her everywhere, Farah tied up in her room, unconscious and sick. You try your hardest to block all the images out, you could scream.   
“Farah. Get to the point.” You say, biting your tongue for the sudden bitterness towards her. 

“I’m sorry.” She looks down. Regret flushes you and you wish you could punch yourself right now. You promised yourself, that you wouldn’t treat her badly no matter what.  
“This was a stupid idea anyway.. maybe I should just-” she gets up and you know immediately, you have to stop her.

“Farah, wait. Sit down and tell me. You’re not gonna just leave me like that now would you? I  wanna know about it anyway so please tell me.” You look at her, her brown golden eyes and plead with them through yours. She obliges and sits back down. She takes a deep breath and exhales. You look at her expectedly and she looks back at you, gleaming determination set in her eyes. You’re taken aback by it.

“I want to join the survey corps.” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xx


	3. Chapter 3

You blink a few times. Your face frozen, you look at her and ask, “Haaaaaagh?” You tilt your head. This has to be some stupid joke she’s pulling because your mind can’t really wrap around it. _Farah?? My Farah? Joining the survey?_

Suddenly, images of soldiers getting eaten, decapitated, pulled apart from those vile creatures so called Titans fill your head. You shudder at the violent thoughts. You’re not gonna let that happen to Farah and you know it. This has to be some prank anyway so you look at her confusedly.

“This isn’t something to joke about Farah.” you chuckle nervously as she keeps that tenacious look in her face.

“It’s not a joke! I’m being serious! I know, you wouldn’t expect me out of everybody you know, wanting to join the Survey Corps but.. It’s something I’ve dreamt of ever since I found out about you! Ever since mother told me about how you’d venture outside the walls to murder those creatures and how you and your comrades take one step at a time to save humanity, I’ve.. I guess I’ve always been so intrigued and.. and then I realised, I realised I wanted to do exactly that!” 

You look at her, your eyebrows raised and your mouth slightly open. She doesn’t stop, “F/n, do you really think a girl like me would live her days spending all her hours at home, helping out in the kitchen and gardening with her older sister in the backyard her whole life? Do you really think I was meant for this type of life?” 

You close your mouth and then open it to say something but no words come to your mind. You’re shaken to your core. If Farah joined the survey corps, everything would change, every single speck of your life would change, not to mention Farah’s too. “Farah-“  
Is all you manage to get out before she speaks again, “When you quit the Survey.. to focus on taking care of me, did you ever think about it? You decided so soon, I always felt like you didn’t even think twice... your comrades, you had to have some didn’t you? Even though you’re such a grandma, you had to have some friends in there. I mean, you spent almost half of your life there. You left them so easily, I didn’t-”

This time you interrupt her, “Farah. Of course I had friends, I had the sweetest, most kindhearted friend I could’ve ever asked for. On the topic of, “friends” I also think I even fell in love once” You laugh loudly when images of Hange and Levi flood your mind, to prevent yourself from crying.

“Why did I decide so easily, you ask? It’s because I had no choice, I knew what the answer was when I first saw you.. when I first saw you in pain, tortured like that.. I wasn’t gonna let anything stop me from making sure you don’t relive what you had to go through.” You get up from your seat to walk up to her, turning her chair around with her sitting on it, you kneel in front of her. You place your hand on her face, caressing her cheek and look into her eyes. Tears fill them and your heart swells. 

“My dear Farah, I know you’re not a little girl anymore but.. The survey corps isn’t any ordinary job. Many people lose their lives, almost ten percent of soldiers lose their lives when on an expedition. You have to live dangerously in there and always expect the unexpected. I... I just don’t wanna lose you again.” You say, grabbing her shoulders to your chest as you wrap your arms around her. “I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost you” you speak quietly to her, quiet enough so she can hear. You stroke her hair, gently. Running your fingers along her locks, you hum delicately. You fear if you say anymore, you might not be able to keep the tears in.

She chokes a sob and before you know it, she’s full on crying on your shoulder. You don’t let go, you comfort her and rub on her back. You think of something to say, anything. But all you can come up with are words of comfort, and that’s it.

“it’s alright, it’s alright.” You whisper, hoping those two words of reassurance have an effect on her. 

  
Moments pass and when she stops her tears, you release her and look at her. You frown at her sad face, her eyes are slightly red as she rubs them. You try to find something, something you can grasp on, in her eyes but you can’t seem to read her as her head hangs low. As she takes multiple breaths to regain herself, she sighs.

“F/n, you’re not gonna lose me. I promise, I’ll always be by your side. Just please, please think about this. This is all I can ever ask for. It’s my dream, F/n. I wanna know what’s it like outside the walls, I wanna know what’s far beyond this place, what’s at hold for us once we get rid of all the Titans. I wanna live boldly and freely. I want my life to be an adventure, not a prison.”

You look at her, tears almost to your eyes this time. She still hasn’t lost her determination, her eyes sparkle brightly even after crying by your side. It’s at this moment you know you won’t be able to stop Farah, as she’s the most stubborn, steadfast person you’ve ever known. You pat her head gently, “I’ll think about it then.” You manage to push out a small smile for her. As you watch her eyes grow big, as her eyebrows raise to her forehead, she takes a deep breath and cheers loudly. You keep your smile still as you watch the girl get up from her seat to dance happily, whooping her arms wildly.

You laugh quietly at the sight before you. _She’d get along well with Hange._ You find yourself thinking about Hange and how Farah’s bright personality reminds you of them. Something clenches in your heart. And that’s when you realise, You miss them. You miss Hange and their bubbling energy, their everlasting comfort and the stupid titan meetings you had with them. _  
_

_Forget them already, you left. For all you know, they could probably be dead already._ You stop thinking. _Why would I say that? Shut up. Shut up.  
_ You internally smack yourself a couple of times. Pessimist or not, you weren’t gonna let yourself think about your friends deaths. 

_Friends. Am I even considered as a friend to them? A friend wouldn’t leave for five years without an explanation. Do they even remember me?_

You think about Levi now. Images of him fill your head, even the dream you had last night comes to your mind.

_Levi. Will I ever see him again? How would he even react if we had ever encountered? Considering if a now normal law abiding citizen roaming the streets would ever meet the Captain of the Survey Corps._ You roll your eyes and find yourself smiling at the thought. Yes, you knew. Of course you knew, any sane person would know if there was a new Captain of the Survey Corps. When the name got out, you couldn’t believe it. The Levi you knew? The short angry cravat man? You sneaked in on the gossip of the town and you still really couldn’t believe it. But however it was, you found yourself smiling to yourself, a weird relief flooded through you. You were happy for him of course, smiling so proudly when the news got to you. “ _people will respect him now”,_ was what you thought when you found out. 

_But there’s no point dwelling in them now, sooner or later you have to let people go. People who probably don’t even want anything to do with you. You have to let them go, F/n._ You think to yourself.

Even if you left, you still considered them friends. You still loved them even if you didn’t bother showing it. But you prepared for the worst, and with the negative skull and thinking you were born with from the start, you just assumed they hated you or forgot about you. 

“Alright, alright. It’s past seven already.. you ready to go to the market with me now?” You raise your eyebrow and look at her. She nods her head vigorously and grins, “Of course!” 

“So you’re coming in your pyjamas?” You examine the flower patterned night dress she’s wearing and she looks at it too.

“Ah… yeah” she scratches her head. “I forgot about that, I’m gonna go get ready!” She chuckles nervously and turns her heels to go to her bedroom. “Grandma!” You yell and she simply replies, “Am not!”  
You smile and shake your head. 

…

She comes down wearing a white beige sleeved blouse with a brown dress over, her hair still the same as usual, a messy ponytail. She beams brightly at you and gives you a cheery thumbs up. “All ready! Let’s go!”  
You pat her head and smile at her. Getting your boots near the doormat, you put them on and open the front door.

You’re both greeted by the morning sky, the ray of sunshine hits your face and you have to put the back of your hand over your face, to cover your eyes. With one eye open, you look to the house in front of you and see the familiar redhead watering her front garden plants. “Aunt Felicia!” Farah screams and runs towards her. Felicia stops and places her watering can on the soil. She’s wearing a puffed white blouse with a dark red lace dress over it, she pats her dress down and turns towards Farah. 

“Farah! Good morning my dear!” Felicia grabs Farah and hugs the life out of her, making Farah squirm under her embrace. She squeezes her so tightly, you think Farah’s eyeballs are about to pop out.

  
“You’re choking me!” She manages to get these words out of her mouth and Felicia let’s go of her. “Ah, my bad! That was definitely not on purpose, of course.” Felicia says slyly and Farah’s eyes go wide. “You were trying to kill me! I knew it!” Farah’s jaw stays wide open. You simply just watch, unbothered by Felicia’s natural instinct to try to murder whoever who refers to her as an older individual. Felicia rolls her eyes, “Well, that’s what you get! How many times have I told you not to call me “aunt”?! Do I really look that old to you? Well listen here young lady, I am just five years older than your sister! Five years! So like always just call me Felicia! Fe-li-ci-a!” Felicia spits and drags Farah’s ear, Farah squirms again to try and get away from her. 

Felicia really doesn’t age at all and she knows it. Even if she’s in her early 30s she looks like someone who’s in their early 20s instead. She might even look younger than you. This doesn’t bother her at all, in fact she actually enjoys it when men assume she’s around twenty something, she takes it as a compliment. Flaunting her ginger wavy shoulder length hair and the way she elegantly wears red lipstick, any man would fall on their face whenever she walks into a bar. She doesn’t mind the male attention she gets everyday on a regular basis, she just loves to play and toy with their feelings.   
“ _Never, ever let your guard down when it comes to a man, they’re filthy animals.”_ You recall her saying. So yes, she enjoys the attention she gets from men, but also hates them with a burning passion. She’s a scary lady and that’s exactly why you befriended her in the first place. You adored the way she didn’t care what anyone would think of her, how she wasn’t afraid to speak her thoughts. At one point, you even looked up to her. You wished you had the strong confidence she had. 

When Farah manages to get away from Felicia, she gets behind you. “It’s barely eight in the morning! You’re a psycho!” She shrieks from behind, clutching your skirt.

_She should have kept her mouth shut._

Felicia appears out of nowhere, the murderous glint in her eyes intensifying, “What did you just say... brat?” She glares viciously at Farah and raises her hands, moving her fingers in a threatening way towards her. She looks like she’s about to eat the poor girl.

“Shit!” Farah screams again and makes the run for it. Felicia runs too and catches up behind her. As Farah runs around the area screaming for help and Felicia chases her crazily, you go to the hut nearby to tend to your horse. 

The small shaky wooden hut lives just right beside your house. Basically a tiny stable just for your beautiful brown horse, Max. You walk in the hut and approach the stallion, grabbing the pail of water near the door. 

“Morning, Max” you whisper to him and pet his mane a few times, he neighs loudly, excited by your presence and you smile warmly at him. “Are you hungry already? Drink some water first.. we’re gonna go to the market soon alright? You can get some carrots for yourself and maybe some fruits too..” you whisper softly to him and gently pet him a couple of times, your palm smoothing over his dark brown hair. He somehow obliges and rests his head against your hand, your smile doesn’t change as you fill last night’s pail with more water. The horse walks over to the pail and drinks the fresh water you've prepared for him. About to encourage him to drink his water, Felicia pops in and you stop yourself from saying anything.

“Still talking to the horse? I never understand why people do that. It’s not like it’s gonna answer you.” She says, coming in the hut closing the front gate to the hut behind her. She leans on the wooden entrance with her arms crossed.

“Yes, and his name is Max, he is a boy.” You reply sarcastically while getting the saddles from the storage drawer ready. 

She hums the tune of a song you’ve never heard before. “Alright, alright I won’t mock you any further, animal whisperer.” She says jokingly and you let out a proud “hmph”. She lifts up her ruffled dark red dress from the dirty ground to check her boots, she looks long enough at her now muddy boots and frowns. After a while, she changes the subject. 

“So, did anything happen in the house? You seem.. how do I put it.. hmm.. Different?” She says, unsure with her choice of words. You raise an eyebrow, while taking your brown saddle along with Farah’s, you sigh and look at the ground. You look back up again and place your saddle on Max, connecting the belts together and start,

“Farah wants to join the survey corps.” You bluntly state, not even acknowledging that this sentence itself is something neither you nor Felicia would’ve expected to hear in the last five years together.

“You’re fucking joking.” She says in awe, dropping her crossed arms to her side. 

“Am not.” You say and finish connecting the belts.

She gasps again, now one of her hands is on her mouth. You realise you both sound like the ignorant ladies near the pub, always gasping and gossiping on the latest news of the town. You smile to yourself, just a funny thought. 

“Farah? The Farah I know? That idiotic one?” She asks, not really expecting an answer cause she knows you wouldn’t lie to her, especially about things like this. You put Farah’s saddle back, forgetting that your saddle is big enough for the both of you. Letting Felicia process this piece of information, you try to pass the time by combing through Max’s locks. 

“F/n, holy mother of god, what are you going to do?”

She asks the question you’ve been dreading. The one question even you don’t know the answer to. 

_What am I going to do?_ You think. _If I grant permission to Farah to join the survey corps, in her training, who’s gonna be there to protect her? The expeditions she’ll eventually have to join. That is, if she even makes it in the military. But knowing Farah, she’ll train her hardest, she’s never gonna give up. So who’s gonna be there for her?_

And that’s when it dawns on you. Your answer.

Even if it’s secretly in you, even if it’s deep down in that dark, wistful yet vaguely wise mind of yours, the answer that even you don’t want to have to face. Not in a thousand years. The answer you know you’ve been avoiding. 

_Fucks sake, F/n. You have to be there. You have to be there to protect her, you’re not letting your sister get eaten by those wretched ugly creatures._

You finally settle your thoughts. There’s no stopping Farah, everyone knows how stubborn she is and how she will achieve her goals no matter what, so you simply just have to be there for her. No matter what. 

“Fucking walls, F/n. I know that face. You’re not gonna let her do this are you?” Felicia breaks your train of thought. You haven’t even noticed she’s been silently observing you, watching when you were deep in thought, thinking of the answer you both want. And that’s when you look at her, in her eyes. Nerves, it’s in her eyes, you read it clearly. She’s nervous, worried even. “It’s Farah, Felicia. Do you really think I can stop that brat from getting her way?” You stop combing Max’s mane and keep the comb aside. Felicia laughs loudly, “She’s stubborn as a mule, isn’t she? One of the things I’ve always found annoying but also endearing from that stupid punk.” Felicia says and let’s out a satisfied “huh” 

You smile at her words, cause she’s right.   
  


_Annoying but endearing_

Three words you can perfectly use to describe Farah.

  
“So, you’re not just gonna let her do this on her own, aren’t you? Don’t tell me…” she stops. Rethinking, and choosing her words carefully now. She shakes her head and looks at you, pulling a bitter face.

“Don’t tell me you're gonna go back.. back to the life you left a long time ago.” 

You pull your lips into a thin line. You shrug your shoulders, “I have to.” Is all you can simply mange to get out for now. You still haven’t even processed this yet. All you know is, you have to protect your sister, you mustn’t let her die and for that to happen you have to go back to how things were. When you were busy going out on expeditions, holding those two sharp blades in your hands, wearing that signature dark green coat with the symbol of freedom on your back, striking down those titans. How things were five years ago. Before you didn’t come home and witness the hell of a life your sister and mother had to go through. You clench your teeth. _If only.. if only he hadn’t made their lives fucking hell._

“F/n. Holy shit! You know what this means right?? You can finally get some from the Captain of the fucking Survey Corps!” She squeals loudly and you resist the urge to grab the comb beside you and fling it to her head. “Oh shut it already!” You shut her up and take the leash and hook it on to Max, getting ready to let him out of the stable. You open the small gate in front of him and carefully lead the way, holding the leash as you slowly approach Felicia and the smug face she has on. Wishing you could slap it away, you simply give her a look saying you're uninterested in what she has to say. She doesn’t take it though and continues to speak out of that mouth you wish you could sew shut.

“You think I simply forgot all about it huh? That you had a big fat crush on that guy. What’s his name again? Levvy? Leslie? Le.. Levi! Ah yes, Levi!” She says, the smugness on her face only increasing after figuring out his name. Your cheeks heat up simply with his name hanging in the air, you internally scream. “Every week, I had to endure all those stories about how you guys would cuddle up near a tree at night, God, in the name of the Walls, were you in love with him at some point?” She looks at you expecting some sort of reaction from her question but notices your head bowed down. Even without a mirror, you already know your face is as red as her dress. Clutching your cheeks with the both of your hands, you look at her and frown. She smirks and examines your face, she raises her eyebrows. “Ohohoho.” She chuckles in delight and you just ignore her, bringing Max outside of the stable. 

She playfully nudges you, “you’re blushing!!” She drags her sentence in excitement.  
“God you’re a pain in the ass,” you mutter to yourself, ignoring her and looking around for Farah.

“Hmph. You can’t possibly still like that guy, right? I heard he’s really short and rumour has it that he has no friends. Literally ask all the bar ladies, none of them seem to show any interest in him. Poor guy-”   
you interrupt her, “hey.” you look at her intensely. Glaring at her, basically saying with your dark eyes to watch her next words.   
“I don't like him like that anymore alright? For all I know he could already be dead so let’s just stop talking about him.” You say those words like you had just spitted out bitter poison out of your mouth. The aftertaste in your mouth, that similar bitter taste you had when you’d overhear people talking shit about him. You hated it, hearing those things about him. And you hated it even more that you now had to speak about him like that. You knew, you just had to do so, to avoid painful questions, painful questions that could make you burst into tears, right there. 

_I have to forget about Levi, it doesn’t matter anymore, he doesn’t care about me anymore. So just forget about him already. He doesn’t matter anymore._

You repeat those thoughts to yourself over and over again. You had your mind set, that he’d forgotten about you. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have… let’s just go to the market today alright? I know it’s stressful right now, I was thinking I could treat you guys to some cake and tea later, so let’s finish on the market first?” She asks, putting her hand on your shoulder. You smile and nod once. She smiles back, a hint of pity on her face. And that’s when Farah comes running back to the both of you, out of breath and her hands on her knees. She’s bending down, taking multiple breaths at a time. “Walls sake, Felicia you told me… you said.. you were gonna play tag… I had to search the whole neighbourhood for you…” she says taking countless breaths and stopping at words. Felicia laughs loudly again and points toward the exhausted Farah. Farah annoyingly tsks. “Bitch!!” Farah screams, about to lash at Felicia but you grab her hands and stop her in time. Bringing them down, you tell her, “Language. Also, we’re late for the market. Get your ass on Max now, we’re going, come on.” You let go of her hands and get the step near the horse ready for Farah. 

Farah let’s out a dissatisfied “hmph” before obeying and climbing onto the stallion. She sits on Max now, gently patting its side and whispering something into its ear. You look at Felicia, “you always walk right? Don’t be late this time, or else-” she stops you, waving her hand. “Yeah yeah I know, now go on then. I have to take my purse,I'll meet you guys there.” She says and turns her heels to head to her house. You nod, as if she could even see you and get ready to stride onto Max. Farah moves to the back and you hop onto the front. Grabbing the belts in the front of you, you pull them to you to get Max to run to the market. He understands and neighs loudly, running on his heels as the both of you are off to the town's weekly market. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clarify! Everyone in the 104th training corps will be 15 years old or older. I know according to the manga and the anime, they’re 12 when they joined the military, but it didn’t seem appropriate and it didn’t really fit the reader’s character storyline, so I had to change it and switch it up a bit! The training will commence for about a few months until the battle of trost, (a little rushed ik) but considering they’re already 15, they’ll have to work hard, day and night. If you have any questions, feel free to leave a comment and I’ll be sure to clarify more! xx


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god it’s been forever, i’ll explain more at the end of this chapter but it’s good to finally get a chapter out! enjoy xx

“Hey, did you feed Max already? Or are we going to have to get him something here?” Farah asks, stroking Max’s mane delicately. You look at her and tilt your head, as you tie his leash to a wooden pole. “We’re gonna have to get him something here. Come on now, let’s find some fresh vegetables or fruits for him.” 

You tighten the knot and let go of the leash. Farah nods and pats Max’s head one last time before following your lead. The both of you walk straight in the familiar path full of stalls of people selling goods. A man in one stall yells out, “Meat! Fresh Meat! Come get your fresh produce!” While another one from the stall next to his yells, “Bread! Loafs! Baguettes!” 

The market is one of the most roaring and ringing places you’ve been to, and that’s one of the flaws of going to it every week. You won’t be able to stand the aftermath and the headaches when you’re done shopping with Farah. And all the fake smiles and laughs you have to put on eventually gets exhausting even for you. “Hey, remember when you said you had friends in the Survey Corps?” Farah asks, and you recall back when you were both in the house. 

_“Farah. Of course I had friends, I had the sweetest, most kindhearted friend I could’ve ever asked for. On the topic of, “friends” I also think I even fell in love once.”_

The words replay in your mind and you slightly cringe at mentioning that stupid tiny crush you had for Levi. You slowly think, beginning to regret bringing up the past and Levi. Shaking your thoughts, you think of an answer for Farah’s question. You just hope she’d forgotten about the minor thing about _love_ that you mentioned. “Yeah, was it that hard to believe?” you humour her and she chuckles loudly, “Very.” She states and your eyebrows furrow together, a tiny frown forming on your lips. 

“All right then, that was pretty mean.” You smack her head lightly and she reacts dramatically like always. Flinching and placing both of her hands on her head, now she’s the one frowning at you. “No, that wasn’t my point,” she rolls her eyes like her question was very obvious from the start. “You also mentioned something about _love_.” 

_Ah, fuck._

Your jaw clenches tightly but you guiltily relax your muscles when Farah gives you an expression somewhat of confusion or curiosity. “Ah, yes _that_. Yeah just forget about that, it was just a little crush on some guy.” You shrug and hope that what you said bought Farah and ended it there, so you could be spared from more questions. Questions you always avoided, to prevent yourself from thinking, thinking about answers you don’t want to have to confront. Surprisingly, Farah squeals very loudly and you feel your stomach turn at all the attention she’s attracting. 

A few people walking by turn at look at the girl curiously, shocked by all the noise she suddenly caused. Both of you are now at the centre of attention and you can feel a few sweat droplets forming on your temple. One thing you hated a lot, _unwanted attention._

“And what was all that for??” You ask and drag her by the arm, away from all the people staring. Once you’ve gotten away from the crowd of people, even though it’s a packed market and there are many more crowds awaiting the both of you, you let go of her arm. “So you did have a crush!” She smirks evilly and you start to get the idea of where this is going. “So.. who’s the unlucky fella?” 

You roll your eyes and flick her forehead for like the fourth time today, making her wince as she covers her head with her hands. “Seriously, how many times have I smacked your head this morning? It’s like you're asking for it at this point.” You rebuttal, avoiding answering her question. She notices it though and you swallow.

_Walls sake, if she were just a little more stupid…_

She tuts and you immediately dread listening to her speak, “I know what you’re doing, my dear older sister, stop running away already and answer my question!” She points at you, her index finger and thumb in a L shape. You think, almost at your limit with the child in front of you. You look at her, giving her the most unimpressed, annoyed face you could ever pull, almost as if you just asked her, ‘ _seriously?’_

“And _why_ should I tell you?” You cross your arms and she looks at you, like you’re the younger sibling here. 

“Uh, cause I’m your dear sister of course! — She proudly grins, her face shining in delight. You remain looking at her, unimpressed as ever. — Oh and I also might have, possibly, maybe, helplessly overheard you and Aunt Felicia’s conversation in the stable.” Your face falls and you internally head palm yourself so hard you could feel your head fall back consciously. Surprisingly however, your cheeks manage to stain a blushing pink and your eyes widen. You can feel your blood rush to your cheeks and you turn away from Farah.

You try so desperately to think of anything else, anything than Felica mentioning Levi in the stable. _Okay think, something disgusting, not Levi. Snails, slugs, goo, mud, tripping and landing face first on mud. Oh god, that’s embarrassing._ Your face heats up more at the mere thought of falling and landing on your face, in front of Levi, that is. 

_  
Fuck’s sake. _

While busy flustering silently, your back turned to Farah, she simply chuckles to herself. “Ha! You’re blushing!” You turn and simply shoot Farah a murderous glare, making her swallow nervously. “Am not!” You retort, cupping your cheeks in your palms so she can’t see them.

“It’s like it’s a sworn duty to you and Felicia to bully me every morning! Well, I’m taking a stance right now, this has to stop.” You huff. Farah simply narrows her eyes at you in suspicion, but eventually shrugs her shoulders. “It’s fine anyway, I know who it is.” She closes her eyes and says it in a cool tone. Letting out a whistle, she acts as if she doesn’t care about a thing in the world. _When she’s the one who’s so desperate to know who._ You just _tsk_ as your gut twists in loops. 

“Say it then.” You boldly dare her to.

“Huh?” She opens her eyes, coming out of her pride daydream.

“Tell me yourself, who’s this ‘unlucky fella’?” You eye her strongly.

She simply shrugs, “Oh that — she yawns dramatically which you roll your eyes to — his name is Levi.”

You verbally gasp, covering your mouth with a hand as if she just called you a profanity. You can see the victory plaster all over her face as she smiles so widely, you wish you could just shake it off her. _That brat._

“So you have been eavesdropping! You little shit!” You go to her and pinch the both of her ears making her squeal uncontrollably. “Ah- a! Ow! That hurts!” She yells trying her best not to laugh all over again. “Tell me now, little brat, what else did you hear?” You grab her shoulders and bow your head down to look at her. _She wouldn’t have heard that much. I mean, even if she did. As embarrassing as it is, it isn’t the worst thing ever._ You glare at her intently and she answers truthfully this time, you think. 

“That’s all! Just faintly his name, considering how popular he is around here, I just managed to click the dots!” She says breathlessly. You sigh as you catch on your relief. But then, she suddenly smirks again, “Who would’ve thought you’d have a thing for the Lance Corporals.” she nudges you jokingly and you immediately tense up. As thoughts rush in an uncontrollable speed through your head, you blurt out, “I don’t like him like that anymore!!”

Farah glances at you, this time truly in confusion. You face the ground that the both of you are standing on, saying what you know was the right thing to say and come to. Or what you _think_ was the right thing to say.

 _It’s time to finally end it with Levi._ You think to yourself, speaking as if it was a dedicated relationship you both were involved in. You nod to the ground, set in probably an ounce of the determination Farah so effortlessly has full of. 

“Alright then, I get it.” Farah pats your shoulder, unsure of what to say as the awkwardness in the air rises. You can’t help but chuckle lightly, “Sorry.” You say quietly. “Just a tiny crush I had on him a long time ago. I’ve gotten over it now. I mean it’s _the_ Levi we’re talking about here, humanity’s strongest. Literally all those ladies near the bars would love to just get close to him.” You say as that usual bitter feeling subsides on the tip of your tongue. _Even though they really just want to get in his pants to hold some pathetic honorary title like “I banged The Captain of the Survey Corps”. Scums._

You knew this, Levi probably even knew it too. Or does he? You then realise you weren’t there for him when he got the title and your stomach sinks. The feeling of dread or despair bubbles up like in a balloon, slowly getting bigger by the second but you manage to catch it and pop the balloon. Coming back to your senses, you knew you weren’t supposed to feel bad for leaving. It’s what you had to do anyway. But just _something_ in you.. it just wouldn’t let it go. 

  
Sighing, you let go off her shoulders and pat her head. She nods in understatement, “Yeah I get it, probably wasn’t nice of me to bring up something you might’ve wanted to forget about. I’m sorr-'' you cut her off with a rustle to her hair, “It’s fine, I don’t think about him like that anymore. Now let’s get the groceries and go home, I’ve got some good news for you later.” You bring your hand down and and walk ahead of her, glancing at the familiar vegetation stalls in front of you. 

“Ah! F/n! Farah! Good to see you guys this week! We’ve got new stocks of veggies and fruits this week, extra fresh ones!” A woman dressed in white, with a few dirt stains on her white apron greets the both of you warmly. “Mrs Mona! Good morning. Just the usual for this week.” You smile softly to her and she nods, grabbing a wooden basket filled with green vegetables and colourful fruits. She places the basket with a hard _thump_ on the front of the stall. You glance over it, checking the condition but because it comes from a trusted producer of yours, you don’t really mind examining it that much. You see a couple of cabbages and tomatoes, a few carrots and beetroots, and some ripe pink peaches tucked in the side. 

“Farah, here, take some of these red apples. Maybe you could feed some to Max, even though I prepared extra carrots in there for him. Have these as a treat.” She offers kindly, holding about four large plump apples in her arms. “No way! Free apples today! Thank you so much Mrs Mona!” Farah says and manages to grab all four in her delicate tiny arms. Her mouth waters at the sight of the juicy fruit and she doesn’t hesitate to take a bite wildly, chomping on it so aggressively. Mrs Mona simply giggles at the sight of your crazy sister.

“Quite the young gal isn’t she?” She says, choking on a laugh. You smile at this, “Well, more like a feral animal, you could say.” 

Mrs Mona laughs loudly at your humour, making you keep the smile on your lips as you bring out the cash from the pocket of your dress. “Oh, my dear.. Before all that, I was about to ask you something.” She speaks lowly this time, waving her hands frantically at the sight of the money. “My husband has been working at the orchard for quite a while, for the past few days he’s been asking my boy Finn to help him out. Finn’s been busy at the farm too and with the new orchard business he has to attend to, he barely has time to deliver baskets to a few people in mind. God forbid the walls, a stall woman like me could bring baskets to people's houses so..” 

You begin to catch where this was going. You quirk an eyebrow at her, making her swallow. “So, would ya mind helping out your poor Mrs Mona this week?” She pleads, trying to bring out her puppy dog eyes. Thinking about the woman’s husband and son working their asses off everyday, to supply not you but other people with fresh greens every week, you already know your answer. You’re grateful for what you have after all, the least you can simply do is give back. You huff, “Do I even have a choice?” You utter, half sarcastically and she squirms excitedly. She grabs your shoulder and shakes them aggressively. “Aha!! Thank you my dear!” 

You awkwardly pat the back of her hands that were resting on your shoulders. Another pet peeve of yours, you’ve always kind of hated those types of unnecessary touches, especially when it’s the unexpected kind. Like say, as an example, you could just be drinking water and someone would just place their hands on your shoulders. This doesn’t really bother you, but as time slowly passes by, they don’t seem to move their hands away. As it just rests there, you can’t help but think, _Was this really necessary? This simple gesture? What does it really do for the both of us?_ Maybe it’s just the thoughts, but you couldn’t stand it. Maybe it just made you uncomfortable or maybe you hated the thought of someone awkwardly leaving their palms at your shoulders for a long period of time. Whatever it was, you just hated when someone would touch you unexpectedly.

Mrs Mona eventually brings her hands back to her sides and you feel a tiny sense of relief. You begin to look at the few string baskets behind her. Giving her a quizzical look, you ask, “So am I the basket boy today or do those ‘certain customers’ of yours want it some other day?” Jerking a thumb to the baskets in the back, she turns her head and gives them a quick glance before looking back at you again. “Oh not all today, what if you had said no? I doubted you would have, but it wasn’t worth taking the risk. - those baskets are for customers today! The ones you’ll have to help me out with are for the end of the week.” 

You nod slowly, gathering the information in your head so you don’t forget them later on. 

_Alright, this won’t be so hard._

“Here, just take this paper - it’s a list of the people you have to help me with. A few neighbours of mine and just this dear friend I have from the military. Sweet guy he is.” She says, handing you the piece of paper. Glossing over the list of unfamiliar names, your eyes stop at the one you seem to recognise. They immediately go wide, causing your eyebrows to shoot up. 

_This can’t be..._

**_Erwin Smith, Commander of the Survey Corps. Thursday - 8 pm_ **

You read that one sentence over and over again, hoping it was just your eyes messing with you. “Mrs Mona?? You know the Commander of the Survey Corps personally??” You frantically ask her. Panic overflowing through you, you scramble and try to gather your thoughts. _Erwin. The Commander._ Or “Commanding Officer” was what you last addressed him as. Not slightly surprised when you found out he had climbed the ranks and soon became the highest rank in the Survey Corps. He has his skills and talents, and is incredibly smart. Too smart for his own good, that man. You were in his squad after all, in your past Survey days. 

_I’m gonna have to see him this Thursday. This week._

It just hasn’t sat right with you that you’d soon have to face your late Commanding Officer, or now, the Commander of the Survey Corps. 

“Oh yes, my darling. Him and I go way back. He loves my husband’s orchard very much, specifically asking for the fruits there. He also loves paying over the necessary amount of price too, such a generous and kind man. Just a shame how the folks treat him.” She sighs loudly. After speaking, she takes in your horrified look and the way your mouth is slightly ajar as you look at the list. She then asks you, genuinely confused at your reaction, “My dear.. is there something wrong? Do you have some bad blood with the fella?” 

You’re not paying an ounce of attention to Mrs Mona. All that’s going through your head right now is, 

_1\. I’m going to have to see Erwin this week._

_2\. I_ eventually have to get warped in his office or something and he’d probably ask me about why I decided to leave Recon Corps with no proper reason. After all, I just sent him a professional letter asking for resignation cause of family ordeals. Literally it was just bullshit professionalism and I’m sure he knows it. 

3\. Possible reunion party with Erwin? 

4\. Why are my palms so sweaty?

You come back from your gut wrenching thinking session. Looking at Mrs Mona, your eyebrows are still raised as if you didn’t catch her question. She repeats it, asking if there’s something wrong and you just shake your head furiously. “Not at all! I just didn’t expect the Commander of the goddamn Survey Corps in this list.” You choke a laugh nervously which makes her laugh full heartedly with you. “I see, I see. Don’t worry now, he won’t bite I promise. All you're doing after all is just delivering some fruits for your old lady here.” 

You absorb her words, drinking it like it’s water. 

_“All you’re doing after all is just delivering some fruits..”_

That’s exactly it! It’s just fruits. You’re just delivering some fruits. You relax your tensed muscles. But that brain of yours seems to do it’s thinking more than you want it too and you're once again confronted with another choice. Another choice and a decision you’d have to make. You wish you could slam your head on the table right now. 

“Hey, F/n, my dear. You take this basket of yours home now and that list too. Thursday evening. Visit me at the old house of mines, I’ll give you the things. Now go on then, get some rest. Eat up well! I’ve got more customers coming, See you dear!” Mrs Mona says and before you can say anything or ask her for more information she’s off to the back of her stall. Leaving you there with your mouth still open and your hand reached out to her, hoping maybe it could’ve stopped her. 

“Farah! Stop pulling on my fucking skirt already! God damn the walls! Let go!” You hear Felicia yelling a few meters away from you. Turning your head away from the stall in front of you, you see Felicia frantically trying to get the girl off but Farah grips tightly on her red dress like a leech. “You’re gonna rip it, you crazy girl!” She yells even louder than before. “It’s revenge for making me wait for you when you were busy gossiping with F/n!” 

_Good grief, when will I ever get a break?_

The sight behold you looked so… weird? After all, a girl is tugging and gripping on a woman's dress like a fucking maniac, who wouldn’t find this sight odd?

But to you, it was.. somewhat.. normal. You were used to the dilemmas Farah and Felicia always caused. But what would get on your nerves is when they decided to make a scene outside in public. When hundreds of people are there. Staring. Watching. Observing. You feel waves of humiliation hit you all at once. 

As much as it took in you, you started to walk up to them. Trying your very best not to falter your eyes at the people averting their gaze to you, you go up to them and lock your arms around their heads. Farah yelps and Felicia let’s out a muffled “huh?” But gets cut off by her face hitting your chest. They both scramble and try to move away from your chest, but you hold your lock still.

Moving your head slightly below to them, you whisper, “Quiet. I’m gonna pinch the both of your ears and drag you guys out of here, none of you guys have the permission to move. Do you understand?” 

Farah nods her head up and down understandably and Felicia just nods, eyes wide as saucers. “Good.” You say back and let them go. The both of them look like they just saw a ghost or that they were threatened at gunpoint. You could laugh but you hold it in. 

You move your hands to the sides of their heads, pinching on each of their ears. “Ouch!” Farah yells along the way of you dragging the children out of the mess they just caused. Letting them go in front of a random stall, you narrow your eyes at them. Another situation where you're put in the front line of attention. And you _hated_ it. 

“Seriously what are you guys? Seven? Come on, Felicia!” You say and look at her expectedly. How the hell inside the walls, is she older than you, is something you still can’t connect the dots to. She’s practically the same age as Farah even. She guiltily looks at you, still rubbing her ear, “yeah, yeah I know. But it was that little brat’s fault for suddenly wanting to rip my dress off my naked body in front of everyone!” 

Farah’s eyes now grow big, and a blush spreads across her face. “Now, you don’t gotta put it like that! That makes me look like a weirdo! I just wanted to teach you a lesson and wrinkle your dress because of what you did to me!” 

_And now it begins._ You que slowly in your head, _3… 2…_

“What did _I_ ever do to you? I just simply wanted to teach _you_ a lesson about patience, which you don’t even have now! Ha! How embarrassing!” Felicia rebuttals back, pointing her slender finger towards Farah. Farah growls at this like an angry carnivore and is about to yell back, when you place the palms of your hands in front of them.“That’s enough! The both of you! I’ve got something to say too alright!” 

They stop and look at you peculiarly, and you just stand there in the odd silence, in between them. “Not here though. Back at the house. So Farah, get the basket from Mrs Mona and Felicia get your bag of sweets and savouries you hungrily bought. The bag is still at the cake stall, I saw it and asked the vendor to take care of it. You’re welcome.” 

They stare at you in awe and you frustratingly stare back. Clicking your tongue, you speak, “Go on then! It’s good news!” They both nod together in sync and are off to do what they were told to. You let out a long sigh, brushing a hair piece to the back of your ear. 

_Good news. Was it really that? Or was it technically bad? Or both?_

_Bittersweet._ Is what your mind came up to at last. 

You clench your eyes shut and hope to yourself that you knew what you were doing. You hope and pray that you’ve made the right choice. 

_There’s no going back now, I’ve made up my mind._

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it’s finally February basically meaning school has started for me, and things have gotten a little rough here, explaining this very late chapter update. My sincerest apologies! but I’m definitely working on this story because I love it so much <3
> 
> New chapters at least every weekend, if not, then maybe expect it the week later! I’m also working on a hange x reader so I’m genuinely sorry if things get a little slow. Please bare with me :) Lastly, thank you all for the kudos and bookmarks! It means so much to me! This is new territory for me so please do let me know how I’m doing :p   
> and little tease for the next chapter, all I can say is it’s getting spicy, I promise. xoxo

**Author's Note:**

> -


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